Most days I admit I feel a little like this:
(credit unknown)
And when I don't... I try to think of THIS:
Happy Friday!
1 week ago
Thank You for the unmentionables
To the woman in Seat 11E, Flight AA24 to JFK:
I wanted to express my gratitude for the unmentionables delivered to my office today. (They're so hawt, I blushed!)
I recall sharing my business card (and bra size) but regret that I didn't get yours to return the favor and send a sample of what my company produces.. perhaps a microcontroller or a power supply board? I hear our Low Noise Amplifiers are pretty sexy…
NO?
Well… please know I’m grateful and excited and sorry I didn’t get your contact details in order to send a proper Thank You.
Thank You - I can't wait to wear them!!
I always wanted a stripper pole
It may sound unladylike, but its true!
Have you ever tried to swing on one of those?! Its more fun than a barrel of monkeys!
I lived with boys for five years (like Three's Company in reverse).
We had a huge living room and for months
I lobbied for them to give me one for my birthday.
We had a huge living room and for months
I lobbied for them to give me one for my birthday.
It never happened.
I hadn't been home for nearly two weeks due to various business trips. My parents and sister (Bless their hearts) had been in and out of the house working on, you know - the usual, taking down wallpaper, painting, etc...
My dad - of course - had other plans... After getting wind of my mic faux paux last week, he decided to create his own version of a stripper pole, not on stage like I requested, but in my living room.
SMACK DAB in my living room.
I walk in the house and this is what I see...
I just never anticipated my dad would be the one to do it!
Oops!
Today I made a presentation in front of roughly 100 people at my company's sales conference. Not to sound like a gender-ist, but considering I work for a male dominated company, I took pride in the fact I am the only female presenter and I made sure I was prepared.
I was fitted with a mic and told it would only activate when onstage; that I was free to roam around as I pleased until showtime.
I walked up on stage, tested the mic, checked out the spotlights above me then stepped off. Two female colleagues nearby noticed this and asked if the lights were hot.
They weren't, but I joked that if it got too hot, I may start stripping. They laughed so for good measure, Imay have also commented about installing a stripper pole on stage. (believe me, it was funny)
Shortly afterwards, one of the event coordinators ran into the auditorium in quite a tizzy. He's always in a tizzy so I didn't really pay too much attention.
Until
I overheard him say
"Who up here is talking about stripping?!"
"Oh? Was it me?!" I asked, not quite sure what was happening
The attention of four panic-stricken faces turned to me. Mr. Tizzy shot me a death stare as the AV guys swarmed around me to remove and replace my mic.
Apparently my mic was on the wrong frequency, feeding into an executive level presentation downstairs.
Oops!
- I spent weeks rehearsing and reviewing my slides
- I declined any and all party invitations last night and went to bed early
- I woke up early to mentally prepare
- I met with my team over breakfast to make sure our message was consistent
- I dressed in a simple black wool jersy dress, matching coat and chic high heels.
- My hair was perfectly coiffed...
I was fitted with a mic and told it would only activate when onstage; that I was free to roam around as I pleased until showtime.
I walked up on stage, tested the mic, checked out the spotlights above me then stepped off. Two female colleagues nearby noticed this and asked if the lights were hot.
They weren't, but I joked that if it got too hot, I may start stripping. They laughed so for good measure, I
Shortly afterwards, one of the event coordinators ran into the auditorium in quite a tizzy. He's always in a tizzy so I didn't really pay too much attention.
Until
I overheard him say
"Who up here is talking about stripping?!"
"Oh? Was it me?!" I asked, not quite sure what was happening
The attention of four panic-stricken faces turned to me. Mr. Tizzy shot me a death stare as the AV guys swarmed around me to remove and replace my mic.
Apparently my mic was on the wrong frequency, feeding into an executive level presentation downstairs.
Oops!
Paradise Lost?
Today I visited a customer who's guard (behind bullet proof glass) pressed a series of buttons to let me in to a series cages where the last set of bars opened and I was finally allowed on the property.
It looked kind of cool and I felt kind of important... but then I realized that things don't often look cool just for the sake of being cool... It might be out of necessity... out of security...
I'm not really getting the dose of happy adventuresome vibes that I usually get when I travel.
Pondering my extended stay, I emailed a colleague
(who recently moved here with her husband).
(who recently moved here with her husband).
She offered these sound words of advice.
"I would not suggest exploring on your own. I have a driver and a bullet proof car"
Soooooooooooooooo....
I resheduled my flight.
(Mom, you can finally relax)
For such a beautiful culture...
I just cannot get over the poverty, the grafitti, the slums.
I just cannot get over the poverty, the grafitti, the slums.
and yet the happy Brazilians love it. Maybe I'm hanging out on the wrong side of town... but I've heard more than one refer to it as their paradise.
Is this any indication?
Considering this is somewhat of an uneventful trip...
Let's focus our minds on the topic of foreign restrooms.
I was stoked in Campinas today when I as washing my hands and
not far away from the sink I discovered...
What is that? you ask? Its a FLOSS dispenser!!
At the VERY moment I spotted it, I happened to be working something out of my back molar with my tongue... GREATEST idea I've seen all week. When I grow up and am important enough to have public bathrooms, I'm installing one of these in each!!
And... Can this restroom get any cooler?
Right next to the floss dispenser was...
Nothing says clean, bacteria-free-mouth like Listerine!
Can I get a Wha-Wha?!
(I'm all about the fresh breath!)
But this next one... completely baffles me.
No matter how many times I travel
Or go into a foreign restroom...
I just don't get it...
Another uneventful day in Brazil
After sleeping like a baby my first night here, somehow my body thought it was still in California and when I went to bed here at midnight, my body was saying "Oh Hellll NO!"
When I finally fell asleep around 2:30am... my 5am wake up call came none too soon (that's 1am for your Western US Folks - usually that's just when I'm winding down!!).
When I finally fell asleep around 2:30am... my 5am wake up call came none too soon (that's 1am for your Western US Folks - usually that's just when I'm winding down!!).
We hopped in a car and drove about 90 minutes to a town called Campinas for our Event...
I was told we had the prettiest table
I sat through one of the technical sessions. Not sure why. It was in three foreign languages...
Portuguese
and
Pig Latin
and
Electrical Engineering
(Ok, I'm lying. I actually kinda understand Pig Latin)
But I pretended like I understood the other two juuuust fine.
No one was any the wiser.
The view..
Outside my hotel room
looks like this
and this
This is about all I've seen so far
Nothing too exciting to report
other than ...
I was mistaken twice for a Brazilian before even leaving the airport..
(that is until they listened to me try to stumble over my high school spanish)
and I had Italian for dinner last night
Oh the exciting life of a world traveller!
Meanwhile on the home front...
As a housewarming gift, the previous owners my parents my mom offered to redo my bedroom. Take down the awful Mad Men-esque wallpaper and repaint it.
The room also has a fireplace in the corner.
The below picture will give you the jist..
Complete with brick and wood paneling.
With a flutter of my eyelashes, my dad agreed to take it all out.
He conveniently used my bedroom window to aid in disposal.
And low and behold.. what was underneath?!
Would you believe...
More Wallpaper!!
*update* My U.S. Correspondant notified me a chunk of cement flew into my dad's face during fireplace removal causing him to go to the Emergency room for stitches. They ended up giving him a band-aid and a lollipop and told him to go home.
*update* My U.S. Correspondant notified me a chunk of cement flew into my dad's face during fireplace removal causing him to go to the Emergency room for stitches. They ended up giving him a band-aid and a lollipop and told him to go home.
A funny thing happened on my way to Sao Paulo (III)
I had a layover (not a hangover... LAYover)
So..with an eye on the clock...
I hailed a cab and went to the beach
Not the beaches of Brazil
And not any of my local California beaches..
Long Beach, NY
Where my cousin Kevin lives with his wife and kitty
(that's not his wife or kitty... Its me!)
He made me dinner (mmm BBQ!)
I frolicked in the Atlantic
we watched the sunset
And then I had to hustle back to JFK to get to Brazil!
Thanks Kevin! It was GREAT to see you!
A funny thing happened on my way to Sao Paulo (II)
The woman sitting on the other side of the sleeping Korean man and I started chatting.
"What do you do?" she asked.
"Oh, I'm in marketing for a local Semiconductor firm... What do you do?"
"Oh I work for (insert the name of the most-awesome-lingerie-company-out-there here). I'm in marketing too"
My eyes went big... and I nearly jumped out of my seat (thankfully my seatbelt prevented this) as I tried my best to calmly tell her "OMG!! That's my favorite brand! I recommend you to all my girlfriends!"
We spent the next several minutes discussing the superiority of her product over mine - boobs vs silicon... find me a geek who disagrees!
All the while, the elderly Korean gentleman between us slept like a baby... He should thank us. He was probably dreaming about boobs.
"What do you do?" she asked.
"Oh, I'm in marketing for a local Semiconductor firm... What do you do?"
"Oh I work for (insert the name of the most-awesome-lingerie-company-out-there here)
My eyes went big... and I nearly jumped out of my seat (thankfully my seatbelt prevented this) as I tried my best to calmly tell her "OMG!! That's my favorite brand! I recommend you to all my girlfriends!"
We spent the next several minutes discussing the superiority of her product over mine - boobs vs silicon... find me a geek who disagrees!
All the while, the elderly Korean gentleman between us slept like a baby... He should thank us. He was probably dreaming about boobs.
In the end she said "Give me your card and write down your size... I'll see if I can send you something!"
She's my new favorite friend!
A funny thing happened on my way to Sao Paulo (I)
The elderly Korean man sleeping uncomfortably next to me on the plane coughed a little and then I felt a tiny fleck of moisture on my finger.
Read it. Its awesome
I brought my pen up to my mouth as my superior-ly ambidextrous mind pondered the role of each lobe before jotting something down in the book's margin. As I brought pen to paper, I realized my hand was covered in black ink.... and as I pulled out a mirror... so was the lower portion of my face.
(Due to the author's extreme sense of vanity - an added benefit of being mentally abmidextrous - all pictures of her inky beard will not be displayed)
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